Goodbye's Can Be So Hard
by fromunderthecorktree
Summary: He's come around so many times before, could this really be the last time?


**xD Who missed me? I know I did! Bahaha sorry I've been gone. I haven't update ANYTHING, I swear you guys might have thought I died. Well I didn't. But I did go through such a terrible terrible break-up with my first real love. He hurt me so bad and so many times that I didn't even have the desire to write more fanfictions because I was so done with love. But I found this might be a good way to get it out, so this one-shot is based off of what happened to me. It's in Sonny's POV and it may seem really out of character but I had to get it out so... yeah. Love you guys!3**

**Disclaimer: I don't own SWAC. Okayy? If you thought I did well... I wish!(:**

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><p>"Why are you doing this?" I asked, trying so hard to hold back the tears.<p>

"I don't know," he just shrugged, as if he couldn't care less.

At that moment everything felt like it crashed down, down to the ground. Every memory of us, good and bad, came flooding back. It couldn't be over. After everything we'd been through together and all that love we'd shared, it couldn't just end like this.

"You really don't know? Fine," I said. I turned around and walked away, hoping he would chase after me and say, "No wait I do know." But he didn't. So I kept walking, not even looking back. I found Tawni waiting for me by the Commisary.

"So how'd it go? Did you get your answers?" she asked hopefully. I was really glad to have a friend in her, even though she's pretty concieted she really does have her moments.

"No. He said he didn't know," I answered as the tears I'd been trying to hide came spilling out. Tawni hugged me.

"Aw Sweetie, don't be sad. Now you can officially move on," she tried. I just shook my head. Nobody understood. Nobody.

The rest of the day dragged on, it seemed like everyone was taunting me with their jokes and laughter, but I pretended like nothing was wrong. Everyone bought it, everyone except Tawni of course.

That night when I got home all my emotions poured out, and I locked myself in my room. I had been trying so hard but I just couldn't take it, I picked up my phone and texted him.

_To: Chad  
>I had more questions than that... but it seemed like you didn't care so I didn't ask them. How can u not know why ur doing this?<em>

I pressed send. Waiting for the reply was agonizing, every breathe was forced. Everything seemed to move in slow motion.

_From: Chad  
>Get this: Ur my ex-girlfriend. I don't care about us anymore.<em>

When I saw that I just couldn't bring myself to reply. I couldn't even imagine how he had gone from being my best friend to hating me.

I guess I should've seen it coming. This was a pattern with him. After we broke up we stayed sort-of friends for a while, then it fell apart. Then he said he was into another girl. Then a few weeks later he said he still loved me, and it was like old times for a while, then he stopped talking to me again. Then he came around _again _and after about a week stopped talking to me _again. _Finally, he came around one last time. That last time lasted for about 2 months. Then he just totally stopped.  
>He was so confusing and frustrating, I should hate him but I don't. All I could think of was every good memory we'd had, and how much history we had. The tears wouldn't stop, somehow I knew this would be the very last time he ever came around. And the last time we ever spoke.<p>

I didn't know when I fell asleep but I was woken up by a text, from Chad.

_From: Chad_

_I really don't want to talk to u. Just go away...go away forever  
>Love,<br>Chad_

And I had a missed call from him. I was so confused and angry. He had the nerve to sign it "Love" and then he called me. I didn't bother to call back, though. It would be just a waste of my time. Goodbye, Chad.

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><p>That was then, 1 month and 8 days ago. Since then I can safely say I'm living without him. Every now and then I have a day where it's killing me and I feel like I need him back, but I know I'm better off without him. A week after we stopped speaking I learned he'd blocked my number. So we haven't had any contact since then. And we never will again. Yeah, I still love him a lot. And I still miss him. But I know we'll never get back what we lost, no matter how hard I try or how much I cry. So I'm managing. Sure I cry myself to sleep sometimes, and I always have a little bit of any empty feeling. But honestly, its not so bad compared to the way I felt when I had those long days of wondering why he was ignoring me if he "loved" me.<p>

Its hard to accept that its over, and that he really didn't love me like I loved him. And every now and then I'll drift off thinking of memories of us, which always makes reality sting when I come rushing back into it.

But I'm definitely doing better than before. And no matter how much I still love that guy, if he _ever _thinks he can come around and do this to me again, I'm gonna have a few surprises waiting for him.

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><p><strong>Well, that was NOT even close to my best work. But I just had to get it all out...ya know? And just so you know, that's basically everything that happened to me. I even used the exact same wording on the texts (except instead of Chad it said Brennan, cuz that's his name) So yeaaah... plzz be kind in your reviews bcuz I know this wasn't my best work... It was sorta just a diary entry.(:<strong>


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